Buy Britney's hair

Ah to be famous.

Every two weeks or so I stroll in to my barbershop to get a lil off the top. We have a laugh, talk some trash he cuts my hair and then I move on. On my way out my barber normally grabs a broom and a dustpan and into the wastebin goes that tangled mass of shorn hair.

Now - evidently, if I were famous (please God, no) and in the middle of a nervous meltdown - the protocol might be a little different.Just ask poor fallen mouseketeer Britney Spears how it feels to be that fabulously interesting. She's so interesting that well, I'm writing about her and so are thousands of other people.

OK, she and K-Fed split. I didn't care. She likes to drive with her baby on her lap. At least she's not dangling them over any balconies. Tsk Tsk, give her a ticket and a car-seat. She got a little blitzed and shaved her head. I don't have to wake up looking at that pasty cueball every morning, so why do I give a crap? I guess I really don't care at all about any of that.What I do wonder is what makes her discarded hair worth a million dollars? How much disposable income and what sort of twisted freak would I have to be to even desire that unholy mess. I mean this isn't exactly a grilled cheese sandwich with an effigy of the Virgin Mary toasted into the bread. Now that's worth a million dollars. A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without the tangy zip of a miraculous apparition of religious iconography seared into it!It comes down to this - a million dollars to commemorate the fall of a pop princess. It's your money. You worked hard for it. Spend it however you'd like I guess. People are starving all over the world, but it's a good deal really - you get her used up lighter and an empty can of Red Bull too. I'm not even going to talk about what a quality pair of clippers Omega makes. You might even score some DNA! DNA, the baseball card of the future! People homeless and living in squalid conditions all over the world but this is "The Ultimate Britney Spears experience!"

For your million + you'd get to experience what exactly? A handful of store-bought hair that smells of stale cigs and that cloying hint of desperation?

PLEASE don't. If you want to throw away a cool mil - I take paypal, at least I would make arrangements to for a such a special customer as yourself. I'll even come get it. I'll keep you in a steady stream of hair clippings and empty pop-cans for as long as we're both alive. Your meals at my restaurant are all on the house till the end of time. Better yet, donate it to a charity in the name of Ms. Spears and wish her a succesful rehab. She a little nutty, we got it - we got it.So - visit the site. buybritneyshair.com. Go ahead, buy it - I dare you.


P.S. Photogs of the world, there is an entire world of amazing photos just waiting to be captured on film for the enjoyment and betterment of the world. Get out there, find them. Make the world a better place. Win an award for your dazzling skill. PLEASE stop snapping pictures of Britney going to the bathroom and Beyonce picking her nose. Have you seen a clothed picture or Jack Nicholson? He's old! We all know that he's fat and saggy! All 90,000 year old people are. We don't need you taking pictures of him on the beach to realize it. I don't wanna see that crap and lets face it, neither do you.